Ana’s Character Traits

Ana was creative

Truthful

Imaginative

Fun

Psychologically astute

Difficult

Disturbing

Self-destructive

Obsessive

Embarrassing.

Perhaps she embarrassed other people but not me! She was though sexually expressive, a good lover, and a fantastic partner. We found out that we fitted extremely well together. More and more, from an initially casual affair, a deeper sexual love grew on both of us. She meant that I loved her deeper than she did. Perhaps, but how could one measure love?

However, she had cast the magical spell of love on me and I experienced a satisfactory erotically tainted togetherness with her for the first time. This developed further as we arrived at a love-sit-in for 20 days and one. My senses danced to recordings of Maria Callas, an expressive voice in the world of opera that seemed perfectly fitting with its passionate engagement to our affair du Coeur. It still was an affair although A talked about children she would have liked with me.

Then in those 20 days plus one it came to me as an inner seated knowledge deep in my soul. What I have found with A. in love related to a special gift, a miracle, something that brought up the Triade in love relations. Something referred to when body, heart, and soul became equally balanced. A. looked up my character traits in a sun sign book, in order to match her own characteristics to mine. Well, I said, this serves only as an indicator to any matching efforts for a relationship. But A. thrived on it as it fulfilled all her expectations.

Our first meeting on the Internet happened when I was looking to find a friendly talking partner and A. had similar endeavours. We conversed about our lives, just as everybody does when meeting for the first time and we compared our likes. A. decided to exchange the history of our lives through photographs. She wanted to know how I grew up, how I looked at stages in my growing up. She posted me her current photograph. I found her attractive and took immediately to her. She responded to my present photograph, liking me as well. We fell in love. I made the first move she thought of being bold. The new Internet comm’s chat enticed us to venture further.

I wanted to seduce A. We had our laptop cams and our fingers to type love words on the keyboard. It all happened rather fast. A. fell for me and we loved each other through the camera’s eyes and the words we expressed. Masturbation – the word she disliked – was banned from our conversation and I used autoeroticism. It became more intense with a partner one loved. It was clear to me that we matched, but I waited for A. to tell me the same from her side. She did and also called it a win in the lottery: Imagine, in midst of all these milling millions of people on the www we have met! And I am glad you were more serious than most of them.

The moment A. sent me her photograph when she was 18, I instantly had a hard-on for her. I had fallen for a woman who created poetry from an early age, just like me. But A. won a national poetry competition, while I would have to wait for the acknowledgment of fellow poets. I wrote love poems for A. She not only sent me her photographs growing from a common duckling into a beautiful swan, but also sponsored my poetic development with poetry books: Giorgos Seferis, Odysseus Elytis, Yiannis Ritsos, Constantine Cavafy, and Andreas Embirikos and others. Many of Greek’s best-known poets, with Two Nobel laureates and one Lenin price winner. Besides our frequent love sessions, A. advised me in poetry forms and styles, explaining to me the poems of Giorgos Seferis, the Nobel laureate whose poetry she loved above all others. She spoke about it often to me, especially ‘The King of Asini’, apparently his masterpiece. It aroused her and we made love with our words and our live cam transmissions.

I had forgotten about my financial worries, my loss of a well-paid job, and the pains of a physical imbalance of my wife that caused her depressions. She was under constant medical observation. All I wanted is to love A. and I thrived in creations of great poems, she enticed me to write. I did not yet know that I would take off on a journey of a writer, focusing my creativity, I could not exercise in my profession, into this genre of art: Poetry and story writing. Besides these efforts, I was drawing and painting, as if a great dialogue had evolved between this genres. The dam of suppression of creative art through my chosen career – Mom had decided for me to become an architect – had been quickly drilled open by my friend A. until it had burst in an emotional bang through my new lover, Anna.

This explosion in our relationship lifted me high up and filled me with exuberance. Feeling like a revolutionary I was part of overthrowing a dark, ancient system to steer toward the bright light of freedom. In Google, I looked up the Greek word Eleftheria – EΛΕΥΘΕΡΙΑ! Yes, the Greek word that should later become burned into my soul.

Anna encouraged me. She sent me daily prompts and I wrote and wrote. It became a training, just like an athlete’s to gain confidence and become faster and faster. We loved each other. There never thoughts of an end, but the nagging question how we could keep up our love weighed on us. We did not wish to end like thousands of other Cyber-lovers, who ended their relationship having tasted the cup of online passion. A had a notion of introducing a better cam, one she would buy for us both. It had a better video quality and came with a better sound transmission. Great. The first time we switched the gadgets on, we were so enthusiastic about it that our love games brought us to a common climax. It was incredible. “I want to see you in real life”, I said to A one day and she would like that as well, I could sense it. We carried on exchanging poetry and A explained to me the way she wrote short stories.

The day I met A for the first time, in flesh and blood, as she used to say, the world stopped revolving around me. I have written about it often, but I have not been able to distance myself from this unusual love enough, to enable me writing about it. Yet my first novel about an unusual love followed the Elegy of an Unusual Peak, I have written beforehand. I was truthful. A told me the story of her life with the good, the happy, and also the sad events. I always treasured this character trait of hers. This contributed to our continued togetherness and kept our love young, fresh, and open for surprises. Yes, she had a register of love games up her sleeves. A with her beautifully shaped breasts, her toned and well-shaped body with great legs. She was my ideal woman and also my Muse and model, a Salome-inspired seductress. She was on my mind, in my soul and I could still feel her body on mine, long after we had parted, and especially at night in my dreams. At times also at daytime when I immersed myself in a creative artwork.

A used her imaginative talent for writing, but she would not write about physical lovemaking. “I see that you are doing that. I leave that to you”, she used to state when I queried her themes of writing. So I endeavored to become a poet of love. A and A2, her first cousin, loved my poems. They were close like sisters.

A was fun. One day we had been at the National Library. When I had finished reading up on the Acropolis of Athens, she grabbed my hand on sudden intuition and once I had returned the books at the entrance counter, she pulled me out the door and we raced down the marble steps like children, not minding the very hot July air of Athens ridden with plumes of bad exhausted gases from continuous traffic. We challenged oncoming cars on Patisio Avenue crossing in jaywalking-running, like in the movies, to seek refuge in the shade of an open-air café where we had an espresso and lots of iced water, like most Athenians. Her happy mood sparked mine off and at times when she slid off into a depression, my happy mood enticed her to smile. A smiled a lot when we met in Athens in a yearly ritual of love. Having fun with A came naturally without any trying and any force. It happened like a sudden spark, the one that sets hearts on fire.

A was psychologically astute. She had a natural gift of sassing out strangers. She told me about my way of body expressions I never observed myself. How could I? But she did absorb me and I lived under her skin. She was tender and I always felt her desire for me. We acted like a changeover switch in a constant on-off oscillation. A was feminine and highly attractive. Her daily tightly fitting garb expressed her sensual body, still sexy with its curvaceous lines at her mature age. She kept her mind occupied with reading and writing poetry and short stories. A healthy diet kept her in good shape.

A smelled good and I loved tasting her body odors. Is this the perfect love of one in a million? When will we experience losing our paradise we had created in our minds, matching our bodies, hearts, and souls?

The answer hovered our heads like the sword of Damocles. A spoke more and more often about the Greek drama. It worried me as I was aware of Greek mythology we discussed at times.

A was also difficult and she lived with sudden intuitive thoughts about something, she wanted me to involve me in. But when she became a visit from a girlfriend, I felt jealous and tense all of a sudden. This feeling was new to me. I tried not to fall prey to jealousy, but the devil reeled me in. We started to argue about small things like one would in a long-lasting marriage. This escalated into a fight and more fights followed, as A arranged to meet her girlfriends. She would send me photos posing with her favourite girlfriend. I felt sidelined and stopped seeing her, started to write and wrote for days on end. Then for more than a week. A sent me Email telling me that she would go for a holiday.

We did not see each other for two weeks. I was growing irritable and became resentful toward her and my anger caused my psychic imbalance. Even B, my spouse, noticed my changed behaviour. ‘I think we have to travel to Greece’, she said. My face lit up. ‘OK, we’ll travel’, I replied. I sent a message to A immediately and she responded that she’ll meet me. Did my dream of embracing her in flesh and blood finally become reality?

 

My heart was pumping as I waited for her at the famous Aerides monument. We embraced and kissed like friends, without touching further. A was afraid that somebody could see her with me. ‘The windows have eyes’, she whispered. We celebrated our first meeting in a nearby café, where A sat close to me and we could touch secretly below the table. Then on sudden impulse, we left and A walked with me up to the Acropolis. Arriving at the platform that leads to Hadrian’s theatre, she took my hand and pulled me into the shade of cops of trees. Finally, all stirred up, we could freely embrace. I kissed her. I kissed her more and she kissed me back and we – two unusual lovers – petted wildly like teens. A had a climax, as I inserted my hand into her pants and touched her intimately. I wanted to sleep with her. ‘No’, she said ‘I will not go to a hotel’. Then I recalled her writing pad outside the city and I asked her to show it to me. She agreed. ‘Tomorrow’, she whispered. ‘I have not done this since my student days’. She meant our hour-long petting below a monkey bread tree, with a view of the western gable of the Parthenon. This loving, standing up, has engraved itself in my mind as if chiseled into marble and exhibited permanently in the gallery of my soul.

It began to drizzle. We had to arrange our crumpled clothes and head back to town. A was disturbed. She had neglected her family for me. I frankly could not care at that moment. I was selfish in my desire for her having tasted a promising love. I wanted to possess A although I knew that this was impossible, yet I tried embracing her at all times. My friend called me later pussy-mad. Yes, A had a beautifully shaped pussy. Her daughter had been delivered by Caesarean section. A flowed freely at our first touches and I fell insanely in love with her wanting her all the time. My inner voice cautioned me: It’ll end in drama. But I could not stop and A enjoyed our love plays until she was physically exhausted. Was A showing signs of self-destruction? No, it was perhaps something else. Has she fallen ill?

A slowed down and her initial liveliness had left her. During my third visit to Athens, she became physically ill. She was saddened and asked me to love her gently and with my whole heart. She did not have to ask, as I did it anyway. I never stopped loving her through the thick and thin of our relationship. Indeed we had a great relationship. My naturally driven obsession with her jumped across her and she wanted me, once, twice, and three times. I became exhausted as well from a love that – although balanced within body, heart, and soul – would end in a catastrophic event, a shock in a brutal life-extinguishing cut, leaving behind two dead bodies. A talked about love and death: ‘Is death love?’

I couldn’t answer her but referred to her experiences other writers had written about. A meant that as of now, as she had contracted cancer of the pancreas she’ll jump off the cliff at the top end of the Acropolis and could together with me experience the last thrill. I thought about doing it but refrained at the last minute from this thought. I had a duty of looking after my spouse. This responsibility I had promised her Mom to keep at all times.

A wasn’t embarrassing me with her tight pants, where even her pussy lips would show through when she sat down. But other older folk took offense. Neither did she embarrass me when she touched me, as I wanted that and we made love next to a thousand-year-old Byzantine church in the heart of Athens as if A would call for the blessing of the gods. In love, nothing embarrasses one from the unorthodox behavior of a lover.

A had to go to a hospital. She suffered and I felt it. Her first cousin, I called A2, had given me the message that I should stay away from the hospital, where A spent her last days, in order to keep her picture in my mind when she was well, good-looking, and radiating in our love. I left Athens with a heavy heart. On my mind, I saw ourselves jumping off the Acropolis. A week later she died, or as she preferred to say it, passing on into the ‘Big Void’.

Advertisements

she tied me up

She tied me up
with her mental attitudes
gagged me for I am allowed
to write only.
Perhaps she desired BDSM
or any other sexual play
after living together
for 47 years.
She had locked me
into a desk space in the kitchen
where I write my poetry
the floor space where I place
my printed sheets to dry.
But I said nothing as advised
by a sensible woman who cares.
She lives now for her own
pleasures depicting her fashion
ideas
while I translate my novels
reliving them again.
Creativity needs personal space
quaint hours of
concentrated efforts and
no disruption of one’s flow.
She tied me up
repeatedly in support of her
own space
and even if I have to respect
her antics
it hurts me physically
but mentally I’m on a flight.
One may tie up
one’s partner for whatever
pleasures one wishes to derive.
One can tie up
a partner physically
and in a fight with anger and
emotions
but never tie up one’s creative
mind
one’s free spirit and a joyful
dance.

zoltanzelan
©ZJG-Poetry’15.

The Touch

I looked forward to a new week and hardly awaited midweek. Wednesday she would pitch up at four pm and type my poetry or perhaps my next novel. I have met her at an exhibition, where she worked as secretary.
“Excuse me; may I have some double tape?” I addressed her while she sat down to work on her desktop. She looked up.
“Of course, I will bring it to you.” When she turned up at the wall space I had been given to hang my artwork, her assured gait and good looks enticed me, but more so her dark brown eyes. “Here we are.” She handed me the tape. For a moment my fingers touched hers and it seemed we both liked the tactile spark. She smiled, turned around and left. I looked after her. Cute and intelligent, I thought, I am certainly attracted to her.
While I hung my paintings my mind concentrated on her, her way she walked, the sound of her voice when she talked. There were many artists preparing their work for an exhibition. A friendly photographic artist next to my space asked me to take a photograph of her with her exhibited work behind her. I took the snapshot and then being closer to her desk I eyed her.
“I see you like V”, a dark haired woman with an operatic voice and figure – reminding me of Tosca – approached me.
“Yes, I do.” I sounded surprised somebody wanted to know.
“I am B, a costume designer.” I held her fleshy hand for a moment as I introduced myself to her. “Can I borrow your hammer?” She took it and walked to her space where a man helped her to set nails into the wall, where she hung her designs. I accompanied her and she told me about her life while she directed the man hanging her work. “I will bring the hammer back when I finished here.”
“Ok,” I said. Being closer to V’s desk, I viewed her face, as she worked away. Now and then she might have felt my staring and responded with a quick return. i walked to her desk. “I like you,” I said. She smiled.
When the opening of the exhibition was under way, I felt I had too many drinks already and I behaved unfair to my friend, who gave me a lift here. As she had to drive, she could not drink too much and soon she signaled to leave, I said good-by to V.
“I like your painting.”
“Which one?”
“This one on the top.”
“Yes, the best of them. You have good taste.” She smiled
“How much is it?” Oh I had a potential sponsor, young, attractive and intelligent. I must not spoil this, I thought. I named a price and she frowned.
“I have only a small income, working at an hourly rate here.
“OK, I’ll give you a gallery discount.” She smiled.
“You mean you give me off what the gallery would charge you as commission?”
“Yes I would.
“OK, then…” she summarized the cost and we agreed. V had me over a barrel with her charm and her warm umbra eyes with flickers of hazel. Then she paid me and took the watercolour, I have not heard from her for a while. During another exhibition at a common friend to both of us, we met again. I acted like a teenager, buzzing around her continually. Even for her friend it was obvious that I had become infatuated with her.
“You are always talking to V,” she confronted me. Yes, I thought, I have fallen in love with her. No, my rational mind interjected, not with a young woman that is a quarter of your age. But I wanted her. A, her friend was onto me. “Why don’t you employ her as a secretary?”
“I can’t afford it.”
“Well she is reasonable; otherwise I could not afford her.”
“OK, what’s the hourly rate?” A filled me in, an artist and poet, living on a cloud, she called me her Nefeli-Poiitis- her Cloud-Poet.
“Z, the poet, felt honoured, as long as he remained a kind of pet-sweetheart in the community of friends, strangers to Greeks, although they had accepted Greek language and parts of Greek culture. The following week V phoned him and he arranged the first meeting as his private secretary. It had to be something else, I mused, as I shied away to dictate her expressive erotic poetry. I felt that it could never be the same as it had been with my great love, Ana. The moment Z the poet went and I held back, V became a different person: A slippery being, a beautiful serpent, reminding of Adam and Eve, although here Eve had taken on the role of serpent as well. Damned! I sensed that directly approaching V with one touch dictated by desire meant direct disintegration and death. I felt Goosebumps shaping up on my spine.
V came every Wednesday, regularly, precisely like clockwork, dedicated to help me with typing. I changed the rules. Not any longer typing of my Z-poems and novels, but teaching me the basic language of Greek. She was appalled, but quickly adapted herself to her new role of a teacher of the Greek language. I think that giving it a test of survival time, we both wanted to be close to each other, so we accepted the new challenges I have thought about keeping V close to me. Of course she realized this and she began a series of rituals that aimed at the high points of her body used for seduction. She attired herself with mini skirts and pants, and I became mad about desiring her. But there was B, my spouse, who by intuition came to check on us when I had my lessons with her. B was adamant that V used me with her sexual prowess and exerted money from me through Greek lessons that taught me perhaps grammar and theory, but were practically not successful.
V tempted me to go all the way and take her offered hand of seduction. All I had to do is ask. But I did not. Ask me why and I cannot tell. Perhaps the memory of Z the poet having been cheated still remained such a great agitator of refusing any trickeries of the mind. I wanted V and I craved for her day and night. Even my wife realized my infatuation with her. But I had a block cast in front of my body and it was labeled: No! Rather write a poem, Z the poet whispered.
I used the given time of learning the in and outs of a language, the Greek language. V, as an intellectual had no difficulty to adapt herself from secretary to Greek teacher. I was impressed. “You have a good mind,” I reiterated. B, my spouse began to throw conundrums and I assured her that I had no sexual relations to V. She did not believe me. Of course lies are believed much better than the truth. V became to me a wondrous being, somebody skilled in seduction, a woman on a trail of power, somebody who missed out on something before, a love or a boyfriend with his own interpretation of love and freedom. Z the poet in me had a creative time of writing poetry about V that transported her from her real self into the spirit Z the poet wanted her to be. She became a different being, an icon, a Muse of great inspiration.
Damned! Before meeting of V I had been quite practical and to the point. If you found a reasonable woman that matched to you, what stopped you to extend the greatest compliment to her, to fuck her? This was the fiery voice inside me shouting. I never had the opportunity to ask her, or I did not wish to hear her denial or I had no interest in hard reality. Excuses?
The constant bickering from my spouse did not stop and after a while I regretted to have never asked V to let me make love to her. As I read a poem I had written, as Z the poet, in the heat of the moment when my emotions matched my thoughts: Burn. I am in awe of having written a great poem, but I never showed it to her.
My heart beats faster. She sits next to me: Short pants and a low top. She oozes femininity albeit her child-like attitudes and her desire to search for the truth of love.”It would be great falling in love,” she said.
“Indeed,” I replied and I feel that albeit the age difference of about 50 years there are strong sexual stirrings that can engulf us. It is not impossible, but might be deadly to me. My spouse’s jealousy attacks and my girlfriends enquiries about her, makes me feel like a convicted cheater and a man who committed adultery. My heart races and I place her portrait in front of me on my monitor. I love V sexually, but I will never be a vehicle of escapism from her present environment, which is what she desires. We have many delicious moments of tease and agreements of love, but never committed to them directly.
I am experiencing my decay of age. I was right not to be involved in a love making me ridiculous and losing self-respect. Besides, V is concerned with cash reimbursements for services rendered. After all it was always a business proposition, and how on earth did sex ever come into the formula?
I meet V as many times as she has free time. When I returned from a ten day trip to Vienna, I noticed changes in her appearance. She had become slimmer and a sad taint of expression washed across her face. We have moved on.”I have a new boyfriend,” she exclaimed.
“Great, I commented, “hope he will make you happy.”
“Yes, he wants a beach house too.”
“Don’t forget who will be the architect,” I had to reply. We parted as friends, with hugs that could have been once an initiator to physical lovemaking. Now it is friendship.
“Keep in touch,” she said, turned and entered the arriving tram. I walked home along the street we had walked many times, wondering if I would see her ever again.

The Thumbnail Portrait.

The thumbnail portrait.

By zoltanzelan (ZJ Galos).

I saw her face for the first time some weeks ago, perhaps even a month or longer. I do not recall the exact time span, as this unusual thumbnail of her face had engraved itself in my mind. I commented on one of Amara’s regular postings on my facebook page. She is a friend, teacher and literary Muse, whose writing workshops had honed my own literary efforts and inspired to write my first novels. I call her Amara, the beloved one, as a Muse deserves to beloved from a poet and writer. She had inspired Helen too and we are part of Amara’s expanding network of writer friends. From commenting on Amara’s postings, we commented on each other’s writings on a follow up conversation. We talked as well about art and she referred me to a website where I could exhibit my paintings without spending too much on admission fees, or even free for a basic exhibition. Helen had inspired me and turned the light on that shone from one of her attributes. She reminded me of Greek goddesses with a host of attributes that were apportioned to them by humans who detected aspects of their personalities.

Helen! The writer, her face leads my imagination to see her transparent, like illuminations of her bodylines through the morning sun and her mind awakened by the warm rays embraces renewed creativity. She appears like a nymph of great inner longing for beauty, in all what she does, with her thoughts, her writing, in the way she lets strands of her soft hair fall across her face, the way she speaks and moves. I fell in love with her through this image that shaped her physical presence in my mind. A portrait I sketched into my book of concepts some time ago. Perhaps if one searches one’s mind for an expression in love or emotion, having experienced it with a beloved woman, one will find it in one’s memory storage. And if one thinks about it often enough, on a day like this one, it resurfaces like a painting of my favourite Renaissance artists, or even related to various modern artists. The unusual expression of a portrait in an upward movement has disclosed secrets of her attributes and personality make-up. It flows into each other like a cocktail of colourful lines and touches of nuances, like my merging of favourite paintings. I recall the artist’s name and not always the name of the paintings: Magritte, Chagall, Picasso, Matisse, Miro, Klimt, Schiele, and Rothko. Of course there are many others to detect anew and in a certain mood of perception. I am thinking of many exceptional galleries and well-designed containers for art.

Helen with an unusual presentation of herself, in an upward stretch movement of her torso neck and head, sinewy and streamlined, like a racehorse. A silver art-deco figurine on a Duesenberg classic car shoots like an arrow into the sky. It brings the picture of Anna in love as an overlay to my mind’s eye, her stretch at the moment of climax. It also compares to an expression of great pain, as lust and pain are close neighbours on the scale of emotions. It brings up the facial expressions of Renaissance’s greatest drawings and frescoes, artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. They observed human emotions in expressions of the face and body. I have Leonardo’s studies in a book nearby with faces in joy, anger and lust, besides the angelic faces and humble expression in a Madonna’s face.

I asked Helen if I may use her expressionistic pose as part of one of my paintings. “Yes, as long as you do not use it in any rude way”, she replied.

“Of course not, I am not a copy artist, or a villain.”

“Fine.”

“I am using the idea of the stretch rather, as I like it.”

“Sure.” She said and we went on to literature.

After some time, meeting at one of Amabel’s web-postings, I noticed that Helen had changed her thumbnail portrait. Her new face appeared less expressive as a frontal view, humble and transparent like porcelain, but with a fine strand of hair tangling in front of her left side toward her lips. It moved me differently, with a touch of fingertip-erotic, as if she invited me to touch her hair and move it to the side in a face to face closeness, a prelude to a kiss, which I did, but have not told her, except that I write it. Perhaps she might come across this journal entry which I have extended into a short story and read it react to my expression about her portrait. I wonder if she has researched my writing a bit and sampled some of my free pages available from all my books I have self-published on the Internet.

Helen! She fascinates me, besides she has given me good advice for seeing my art-video that Greg had done. She is quite right with her critique, but I have not interfered with the budding videographer’s second sketch of my art filmed at preparing ‘The Apollo Frieze’ paintings for an exhibition at the gallery of the Fine Arts School of Athens. Well, perhaps I will paint the Mysteries-series for Eleusis and we will think of a new angle of introduction, where Helen’s advice would be spot on, or so do I think. Diving as artist into the Great Mysteries and the mystical world that is all around us, like her first portrait, a ‘Duesy’, as the saying went for something ‘cool’ in the thirties. I like it, the elegant stretch as a symbol for innate sexuality. At present it’s the fine angelic one, pretty but less expressive and it talks with a different language to me. In spite, it’s a good face, intelligent, a poet’s face, demure and mystical, an overlay of alertness and a touch of uncanny behaviour, a cocktail of a personality, different to my first impression. Despite, it also attracts me, like a melodic inner calling.

I have read Helen’s article on WordPress.com and it touched me as a well written impression of her world, with a natural flow structured in fine sentences. It showed to me her delicate urge of her passion for writing, even if it did not touch my expressive nature. It did not stir in me the same emotion as her photographic portrays, to which my inner world of a poet responded. Her style of writing matched well to her second portrait she’d placed on the Internet. Immediately I recalled her words: I am not an Amazon. I had to smile. She definitely has an uncanny edge I would like to explore further. Perhaps one day, when I made the funds necessary to travel to Italy and see my favourite cities and their art. I am intrigued to see her face to face and talk endlessly about subjects that drive us forward in our efforts of self-realization. Besides, I wonder what she thinks about my poetry and novel writing in general and about my explorations of the erotic world.

The Red Umbrella.

V  P03 C

The Red Umbrella.

It started to rain on the third day of our stay in Como. Rain stayed here around the mountains more continuously than we have been used to in South Africa and recently in Greece. I waited for it to ease off and don my hooded rain jacket and headed for the exit of the tiny family run hotel at the edge of the centre. If you need an umbrella, the sellers emerge around the centre of town, the desk clerk said to me as he buzzed the door open.

I walked down the already familiar street, Via Gallio and arrived after ten minutes at the Piazza di Volta. The umbrella man popped out of nowhere offering me an umbrella, as if he had anticipated that I am a buying customer. “Do they work?”

“It’s black,” he replied having misunderstood me.

“Give me the red one.”

“It’s 5 Euro.” I gave him a note, opened the wrapping and tried to open it. It worked. I handed the wrapping to him and left. Whatever, at least it would hold out until I visited the exhibition in Villa Olma, situated along the western shore of the lake, like most famous villas of the Como region. The dark grey clouds interspersed with white changed continuously with lighter and heavier rain. I was glad having bought an umbrella, whose colour brightened up the somber mood of nature, more dark clouds gathering above the Brunate Hills on the opposite side of the lake: dramatic scenery as a gigantic metaphor for the dramatic happenings of finding genuine leadership and to establish a way forward in Italy that soul-searches for a functioning government.

After 20 minutes I arrived at the gates of an enormeous extent of property matching the grand Villa with its classical features of a dominant centre portion, Roman arches at groundfloor and ionic columns on the first floor stretching to support the second floor roof beam. My shoes started to get soaked as I entered the wide gravel driveway toward the main entrance and placed my red umbrella into the metal stand annexed to other umbrellas. The woman in charge issued me with a reduced ticket, but still quite pricy and enough for a small meal indeed.

I gazed at drawings of my favourite artists, photographers and architects, designers and futurists. I walked immediately to the exhibits of the group around Moholy-Nagy, painter and photographer, and professor at the Bauhaus. His wife, a photographic artist, as well as students, experimenting with constructivism, Lang the film maker expanding on his drawings of a futuristic megalopolis, and Sant’ Elia with his unique style of expressionistic visionary drawings. In front of my eyes were the documents that I have been lectured about at university and I recall the inspiration it had sparkled in me. ‘Tendencies in contemporary architecture’, was a well-visited lecture by Dr. Feuerstein, supporting the way forward of stimulating the creative part of our minds. That’s where I first heard about Sant’ Elia and I still recall the slide of his La citta nuova – The new city. A new approach to town planning that enhanced the spirit and created places and domiciles, where one enjoyed living as world population grew rapidly and one would have to deal with a new philosophy. Indeed, it already happened and we might never catch-up of doing it, but having witnessed its ideas in projections, 80 years ago. I took some photographs.

Lang’s movie took me away. I had a flying seat with a red umbrella affixed to it and I visited La citta nuova. The ants below me became scurrying people and the cars continued to flow past on specific highways. I enjoyed to land in a creativity park.

“Did you enjoy the exhibition?”

“Yes, who is asking?”

“Elias, I am the student of art and music, remember me?”

“I met you at the bookshop of the New City Exhibition.”

“Of course and we had a spirited conversation about art and music.”

“Indeed, but what are you doing here?”

“I followed your red umbrella, the new type vehicle.”

“Ah yes, my flying machine for body and soul.”

“Are you selling these?” Elias smiled, his long hair spiraling around his cheeks.

“Well, I have to find a manufacturer first.”

“Unfortunately I only know violin makers.”

“I have to sell my paintings first to get capital for my projects.”

“What do you paint?”

“Come along hop into my red umbrella vehicle and I’ll show you.”

I looked into the umbrella stand, but my red umbrella was gone. “Excuse me madam, anybody seen my red umbrella?” I approached the desk clerk. “No, but I think you should ask at the bookshop.

I went back to the bookshop and asked the student who sold paraphernalia as mementos and also art books. “Oh high, you are the artist looking for your red umbrella?” He greeted me. “Yes, I recall we have talked and visited the last part of the exhibition together.”

“Yes, we have and you told me about your invention.”

“Well, I can’t remember, but I recall of having seen a movie by Lang, where a red umbrella is appearing in midst of a huge futuristic city.”

“Yes indeed.” Elias said and frowned. “I think it is odd.”

“What?”

“That your umbrella is gone and it appears throughout this exhibition.”

“I am lost.”

“Come and see for yourself.” Elias took me to the adjacent room, where he showed me the vehicle with an attached umbrella as one of the models in a city that had been conceived as a warehouse of parts, one could chose ones parts there for furnishing and living in a future city. “It’s mine,” I said and checked for a name on the umbrella. I took a photograph.

“It says: GZ.” Elias stated.

“Yes, my initials.” I frowned. “I give up.”

“Don’t,” Elias said, “just believe you’ll find your umbrella again outside the entrance on the stand.” He smiled and I accompanied him back to his bookstore, where he handed me his calling card. I gave him mine. “Oh one of your paintings?” he asked looking my card over. “Yes.” He smiled. “I like it.”

I bade Elias good bye and headed for the entrance. It was raining again and I checked for my umbrella. As I prepared to place the hood of my rain jacket over my head, I saw a woman approaching with a red umbrella. I stepped aside into the niche of the entrance arch and waited, camera in hand.  She came and released the catch folding it. “You should have kept it,” a short man with a moustache and a hat said in Hungarian.

“But it’s not mine; I should have not listened to you.” The pretty woman in a short jacket replied.

“Well you have no raincoat and you will catch a cold.”

“Well, I will find a street seller nearby.”

‘You are sneezing already and we still have to fly back to Budapest tomorrow morning.” I stepped out of the entrance arcade.

“I have overheard your conversation,” I said in botched Hungarian.

“Oh,” the woman said, “Is this perhaps your umbrella?” I smiled as she sensed the waves of my thinking.

“Yes, but as I see you are in need of, take it.”

“No, that would be not right,” she said. Her face looked sullen and pale.

“Well, I mean it. It had been lost already today in this exhibition.” She looked with big eyes and suddenly smiled. “Are you a fellow architect perhaps?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Let me pay for it,” she said and handed me a five Euro note.”  She took the umbrella and put it up again. “OK, thanks and enjoy it.” She smiled.

“Have a good trip back and greet me Budapest.” She stopped and took a card from her purse handing it to me.”

“Thank you again,” she said. I looked a t the card.  Ilona Moholy-Nagy. I’ll be damned I thought, she must be related to her famous great uncle. I can always find that out, as I had her address. I placed the hood of my rain jacket over my head and hurried toward the city along the embankment path. As I turned at the park to cut across below the trees, the rain subsided. I took my hood down and enjoyed the rest of my walk toward the hotel with the sun peeking out behind the clouds.

“Did you enjoy your exhibition?” Bea asked as I arrived in our room and placed my raincoat into the bathroom to dry. “Yes, I did.” I had to smile. “I had a few experiences I would not have liked to miss out on. Besides I enjoyed practicing my rusty Hungarian language again with a Moholy-Nagy.” She smiled “You always had a lively imagination.” Maybe that’s right, but even if, I had enjoyed the visit to Villa Olma and the red umbrella.

*

Bus Ride.

04052012150

BUS RIDE.
By Zoltan Zelan
Written in Patra, Hotel Delfini.

He struggled to get-out of bed, when the alarm went-off. He switched the mobile phone off, turned-on the lights in the corner, where the small bed was located. He slept here one morning, after he had been writing about his feelings for a woman he had loved once physically to the point of self-destruction.
Now it was only compassion he felt for her. He thought he still loved her, but then, as she was hurrying to get close to her, time had passed. He could get only near her through her generosity to let him stay at her place that was a stone throw from the sea.
It is rather a place that is pretty in its natural setting on a small hill that faces the boat harbour to the south-west, with the port that is active during the day and at night the stars fall onto the bay in the glimmer of a myriad of lights. The shutters are closed and he routinely got-on with his breakfast: Cereal, nuts, yoghurt and a spoon of honey topped with some powder of cinnamon.
His spouse came from the bedroom and joined him for breakfast. He had finished quickly, as he had a fast eating habit. He packed his knapsack while Jo-Ann was eating and waited for her to make coffee. He was particular to pack his poetry, notebooks and pens, the present for his Muse, her palmtop to download his digital photographs and the edited version of his novel, he had written during the seven months of his absence. She had a natural feel for his writing. Perhaps she was too sympathetic in her critique, just to keep him positive and encouraged. However he did not want to miss the opportunity of her comments and her critical input.
He took his packed knapsack, said good-bye to Jo-Ann and left through the terrace. “Be careful on the marble, Jo-Ann shouted, I slipped the other morning.” Indeed the early morning mist from the sea had turned the surface slippery. He locked the front gate and waved her good-bye as he descended the few stairs to the street. He unlocked the dark-blue Morris and he started the car that gave-off its familiar roar. He rolled down towards the beach-parking to keep it there for his return, carefully positioned below a group of maple trees. The beach was already visited by the local swimmers, who cared about their morning exercises. It was five to seven and the red bus supposed to arrive at seven. Sometimes a bit later, depending on the number of stops, where it had to pick-up or let passengers exit. It arrived just as he checked his time, the angular bulky watch with tinted windows. The air was already warm and pleasant and as soon as he stepped inside the bus, its cooled air was waking him-up immediately.
At the next stop, uphill again, as bus followed a one-way system, he noticed a young woman entering, who took the seat in front of him. He had to look at her, feeling drawn to her. He noticed his conscious deriding his inner longings. He observed her from this acute angle. She had soft brown hair and dark brown glasses that obscured her eyes. At times she would turn her head, as if she would signal to him some preparedness to start communication. These manoeuvres went-on for some time and he was conscious of them. He had opened his notebook and he had started an outline for a story. Inspired by this indicative contact of her head turning at an angle that allowed him to see her profile, he then thought of her just being curious and then gave-up making nothing of it. Then as she continued, animating his attention again, he thought of his friend’s words: You are too sensitive Zany. Indeed, he felt even close to this strange woman who seemed familiar to him. He intended to chat her-up, phrase a question that would spark-off a conversation, get to know her. But what should he ask? She was attractive and looked intelligent to him. She might even speak English. He finished his thoughts about her and then as he wanted to say: Tell me do you speak English? She stood-up from her window-seat and as she turned she smiled at him fleetingly. He smiled back with the words frozen on his lips. She left the aisle moving forward to the front door that supposed to be the exit. He tried to read the bus station’s name, but his knowledge of the Greek alphabet was incomplete and he could not decipher the name as quickly. The bus moved-on immediately as soon as the passengers were stepping on to the pavement.
The stop he wanted to exit did appear just 5 minutes later. It was marked with a big M for Metro. He took the stairs down to the station and got on the blue line to the city. He intended to exit at Syntagma Square. As the train doors opened, spewing-out the majority of travellers, he felt drawn along in that vortex. Taking the escalator up he recalled the time, just seven months back, when he prided himself to have the fitness of walking up the stairs, often competing with others, to be faster, arriving ahead on street level.
The square was filled with people criss-crossing into all directions, many parts still closed-off to be finished off with a combination of marble slabs with granite flagstones in decorative patterns, to be ready for the arrival of foreign visitors to the Olympic Games this summer of 2004.
He continued to find the stationary shop along Ermou Street to stock-up on the items he had noted down. Besides he wanted to buy sweets for Aline and some for Jo-Ann, a notebook for Lian and then he checked his available funds, as he always overspent in the city. Athens is a boisterous town and for the squeamish best to be avoided. But this time, although he loved the city, he felt less enthusiastic about being here. He intended to visit Aline, but something told him inside that she was now more interested in her girlfriend Misch than in him. It had hurt him first, but then he did not own her and he had to curb his expectations, she had the cunning talent to stir passion and longing in him. She turned him on with wild desire for her and as she ignited his lust, they did engage in the fieriest sex he had for a long time. They had mutual freedom of expression in sexual lust and their fusion melted in the intensity of their engagement.
Then suddenly a few months ago all this intense and engaged daily communication faded, ceased and collapsed. She had poured cold water on the fire of their permanent renewable lustful merging and eventually her libido had cooled down.
She had handed over herself to the medical professionals, within the medical help she was subscribed to by a state funding of medical personnel, who subjugated her to a long series of tests. He worried about her. With some viral infection his anxiety became dominant and the subsequent hypertension caused his near-suffocation. The consulting doctor told him to stop taking the pills for his cholesterol control and try some alternative medication for asthma. It helped him immediately and he recovered. While he suffered in a state of anxiety, sensing almost a foreboding of a dramatic event, Aline told him in held-back sobbing that she was diagnosed finally with cancer of her spleen. She had to undergo chemotherapy and she was afraid of it. He felt sick. They commiserated and he fell suddenly into a sobbing mood that she wanted not to happen to him. How could he avoid his emotions of fear that burst to the surface, now as he was told he would be losing her?
Then he gradually recovered from this shock. He influenced her with his positive attitude and thinking. He loved her and wanted to help her, do anything he could to heal her. She called him her hope. He would not disappoint her. His sexual love had turned suddenly into strong compassion for her.
He exited the bus at the small square that defined its last station from town. The suburb she lived in was on a hill and the view of the town was spectacular. He pressed the button to her apartment and as soon as he heard her voice on the intercom, he answered. She pressed the release button for the electric lock and he got into the hall. He walked-up the marble steps for one floor and then took the elevator to the fourth floor. She had already opened her door slightly. He entered and she closed the door behind him. He intended to kiss her, but she was slow at closing the door. Then she turned and at that moment he kissed her. Finally she let go of the door handle and she embraced him. He pulled her tightly to his warm body and they kissed deeply. Then she eased off him, touching his arousal slightly, taking his hand, she led him to the terrace. He sat in the chair; he always used to sit and absorbed the breathtaking view of the Acropolis and Filopappou Hill. The traffic of the city flowing beneath with a pattern of ants scurrying along the known roads through the forest of building blocks strewn about from the distant mountains, as if giants had played a set of domino.
She was not well lying down in her reclining armchair. Soon she fell asleep. He took his notebook from his knapsack and he wrote about the brunette woman, with the brown matching glass frames, he had met in the bus. He remembered her overall impression, some details of the square shape of her watch and the design of her sunglasses matching it. Finishing his story, she woke and then started sharing some memories with him and then they looked at some of her collected photographs. Then they held hands, almost like a married couple, still blessed with the magic of love. And as his time was up, he left as if he would just visit the food store for ice cream on the groundfloor below her apartment. She smiled. A bitter expression formed around her curled lips.
The next day he was invited with Jo-Ann to visit her and they took the same bus. They sat at the same place where he had sat the day before. The first station from the centre, the brunette woman appeared. She took the window seat before their seats, eyeing him with a smile, which he returned. As the bus moved and slowly climbed the familiar route, Jo-Ann fell asleep. Then at one station, passed the port behind them, the bus stopped, but it did not leave. An argument ensued between the driver and an elderly man with a crop of silvery hair, which shook as if in a breeze, as he got worked-up and the voices of the passengers grew cacophonic. Then the conductor moved-in, then again someone else. Soon the entire bus was involved, except for him and Jo-Ann. They could not understand the reason for the argument and the subsequent shouting matches, nor its contents. The woman in front of him turned to the side in her seat, eyeing him. “You have of course not understood the goings-on.”
“Of course not,” he replied, almost excited. She had taken the opportunity to talk to him. She translated roughly. The cause was the claim of the elder man, who felt insulted by the driver. He had greeted him with ‘good morning’, and the driver did not reply, which he thought to be rude. Then as the arguments for and against were aired, she also got-up and threw in her bit of excited talk that sounded like an accusation, as if this supposed to be a traditional way of dealing with a debate, taking sides and voicing it: An immediate court, but did it offer a solution? The bus had not moved for 5 minutes and the driver had switched the engine off. “He says, it is his bus, and it’s a private company,” the young brunette woman continued and he enjoyed conducting a dialogue with her beside the ongoing debates she was involved in. He became spirited, as he could come closer to her and he had guessed right the first time, she could speak English well. He felt closeness to her and a familiarity by now. As she turned her head back from facing him, her hair touched his left hand that was placed in the gap between the seats. He felt stirred and aroused. He knew there was a spark and there was chemistry at work by now. He had this gut-feel they matched quite well. He observed her hands, her angled fingers, as if she had become stirred too, slightly excited perhaps that they had met finally this way, became friends in a short time, wanting to meet again. She let her emotions fly in the excited way she had added her piece of shouting towards the driver, probably to get on with the bus ride as she had to be at work on time.
The conductor fetched the driver from the nearby café, he had eloped too, glad to have a cigarette break. The elder man with the loose crop of white hair refrained from calling the police, as he had threatened before to do. He moved to the back of the bus and as soon as the driver was seated, the trip continued.
The young brunette woman excited from the debate, but also from his attention moved to the aisle at the same time, preparing to exit the bus. He noted her light-blue jeans, her lighter faded-blue top and her wine-red strap on her square watch. Then he lost her out of sight.
A few days later he had to take the bus again from the small seaside port to the city. As usual he waited to see her again, but she would not pitch. He sat on the right hand side of the aisle at the same height as she used to sit on the left. But there was no sign of her. He was disappointed. He wished to talk to her and befriend her today. He had missed the opportunity to ask her for her cellphone number.
Then suddenly he saw her. She had turned half-way, pretending to look at something on the other side of the street. He would finally see her again; even hear her voice, as she spoke to a woman seated next to her. He observed her from the corner of his left eye. She sat today on the seat, he had sat on the other day, when they met for the second time and talked about the incident. But Jo-Ann had chosen other seats.
He scolded himself of having taken this seat, and not the one he had taken last time. He could have met her easily and sat next to her, exchanging details, perhaps name a place for their communication.
As she left the bus, he looked at her, checking her clothes: Tight khaki pants in a sand colour with pockets on the sides; a cerise-red top, faded and soft. She loved light colours, suitable to her watch strap and her accessories, colours related to natural objects.
There will be a next time, he thought. Pity though, he could have met a nice woman here in the port of the Pyramid-Isle, as he referred to the place: A Nefertiti, a Cleopatra almost, as he had gazed passing Raftis Island. He noted down the name of the bus station.
They exited the bus at the final station in Areos Park, close to the NARMU, as he called it by acronym. They would be viewing their treasures today. Joey was enthusiastic about the museum at all times. He loved Poseidon’s sculpture in bronze. Some referred to it as Zeus, which he did not believe. The position of the god’s right arm that supposedly was throwing the thunderbolt rather looked like the position of a movement holding a trident to be thrown.
After the extensive visit to the National Archaeological Museum, he took Jo-Ann this time for refreshments to the Joly Café opposite the museum. They sat in the cool atmosphere and ate sandwiches and drank iced coffees.
It was singing hot at noon, melting everything that was not cooled sufficiently. Finally they took the bus and arrived at the street where the grey apartment building was situated, and where Aline lived. He went around the corner to the flower shop. He was mesmerized by the beauty of a dusky-eyed young woman in black clothes that attended to the customers. She had perfect breasts and her hip jeans sowed her pretty midriff, her navel that was free due to her short top. He was smitten by her appearance, attracted to her immediately. Jo-Ann noticed that and stood back, looking at some flowers in the entrance area. He talked to her, admiring her, complimenting her a bit and she smiled her beautiful smile. He was stirred deeply and wished for a future opportunity to continue their talk on plants and flowers, as he wished to prolong this stimulating talk. The flower girl noticed Jo-Ann’s jealousy and she took a rose from her container to give it to her, balancing the situation of his erotically sensual leaning towards her. He asked her the name of the plant he had chosen for Aline. Erotica, she seemed to say, or so he understood. Love-flower. How well chosen, he thought.
Aline was waiting for them and he gave her the plant. She was elated. Where do I put it? She asked him to bring it to the balcony, where she pointed to a place for him to place it.
Do you think it is nice here? He was not into small talk, only to be able to hold her. He was animated for sexual love and to fulfil that was impossible now, though their hearts met, caressed and sung together. The power of their belonging to each other felt palpably in his body’s welling and his lustful oncoming enticement. You are so easy to arouse, she had once commented on his physical reaction to her touches. I am not aroused with everyone, he replied to her, but with you foremost. She was pleased in her direct way of confirming her pleasure that rebounded in her body and turned her on for him, despite her sudden outbreak of a terminal illness. She had the phase of anger that precedes acceptance not overcome yet. Now and then the apocalypse of thoughts stormed passed, causing a sudden pain. She got pale in her face, almost sullen in her expression with her cheeks falling in. He saw in front of him a shadow of her beauty, a statue that she had offered to her sanctuary and the goddess of love, to be truthful and be healed. He wondered then what her shadow of being did still reveal to him, as he wished he knew everything about her and slowly a pattern of her fulfilment in love emerged. It was as if he had seen a picture in his fantasy that had nestled in midst the lewdness of lovemaking in him. It was always the same picture: Aline with a girlfriend and her husband. Pity, he thought that Jo-Ann had some dislike to Aline. They could have fulfilled her need to be officially with him and her in life and bed. Such interplays were the turn-on for her, he would not mind, but one person is usually the loser in a threesome, one is the sexual handicapped and then the intimacy breaks-up. The girls usually stay together. Men are always tarnished as losers. Aline was an Amazon.
All he felt was a strong attraction to her and he continued to research this phenomenon. Slowly she had revealed to him her preference for women. Slowly it killed him at first and then, as he fled into the world of his own creative being, he turned the tables of jealousy and pain and he gained advantage over his personal feelings again. He felt enticed by women, who were sensual and beautiful and he was not holding back his feelings any longer; nor did he hide or suppress them. He treaded though gingerly, almost as a cat. He had learned that from her. Life has to be lived and she had pulled back like a crab into its shell. He had on the other side, just emerged from his carapace and he disliked retreating into the darkness of an armour again. Life was beautiful and he felt pain, thinking about it this way, while she suffered and fought the circling shadows of the underworld. He had tears welling in his left eye and he did not suppress this emotion any longer. He cried. She could on occasion, as she was present now on the phone, but also in reality be like a mother to him, protecting him. He felt like a child, powerless and ashamed, yet in need for her love, this way. Then he moved into the next stage to hold her close, tight as possible, without causing her pain: A son loving his mother.
Then another change of mutation of feelings and love flooded him for her and he wished to touch her, even if she would lie down supinely on her bed and he would massage her left foot and her calf, she liked done the way he did. Her skin was dried-out and her muscles hurt and receded as if she never had use for them any longer. He was her lover turned angel and then her son turned lover. She smiled an almost dried-up smile and he watched her facial transformations as he expressed his love for her. Some faint sounds in her voice, some loose indications of a name, just a lightly kept tone of a mention told him to be prepared. Prepared for some news she popped like bubbles of champagne within him. Droplets of poison that seeped into his bloodstream and flowing towards his heart: The swift increase of hurt that became finally a catastrophic asphyxiation. But by now he was warned and prepared enough by his attuned consciousness. Yet he could not avoid the welling of jealousy, thinking of her other lovers that still stirred in him. The fact that he could not possess her drove him even more so toward destructive feelings. He was handicapped by his non-existence in the circle of family and friends: A solitary and stealthy lover, her underwear in the peak of his fervour. Now he was running as a blind, a man lost, hitting his head against the plate glass wall of a paradise behind a Fata Morgana of his desires that became piled-up into another mountain that he felt was about to fall upon him, squash him and finish his life that still had so much left open. He had not yet tied all loose ends, had not yet poured all his love he had still deep inside his spiritual well, onto the persons of his own desired extensions. But it will happen. Happen soon.
He leaves with his tail between his legs, a dog beloved and kicked now hard with her spiteful behaviour, induced by her dragon-friend. “Ah Shit!” He cries and then he flees into the arms of the sexy woman next door, opposite a cemetery, indeed! Life is here to be lived, he tells her. Aline has already declared him dead, as she struggles to live and breathe and is in need of a juicier friend, ah! What is this talk of token friendship for? All of these living moments show the cities she had once mentioned, turning into tinsel-towns and are not of the same substance as places she was living-in physically as she described them before. There is a change of scenes and the play will enter into a final act. He shudders and is relieved that the woman with the hip jeans and a sexy belly, who sells flowers in this shop, is indeed a beauty, despite the liver marks on her left breast that act as an interesting tattoo by nature, see? How do some disadvantages the owners feel as such, turn suddenly crimson-red switch of a turn-on for onlookers? Yes, he desires her and she senses that. Then she offers his spouse a rose to compensate for his emotional ride upon her in their projected mind’s scenario.
He will not ever take another bus ride back to his lover, but indeed to meet this new woman of his lustful life: The flower-woman. Lascivious thoughts accompany his eyes that he has set upon her figure that he disrobes already in his mind. He could come just being close to her now, he’d come!
But whatever image he does set before Aline’s face that is deeply ingrained in him, she still does haunt him. She has engineered her love acts so well and so profound that he is struggling now to overcome virtuality for reality. She had after all two decisive facts that helped her to abandon the ship of stone-cast lust: Firstly her libido stopped and then she pushed her terminate illness in front of all the demands other lovers could have on her. Now she hides officially, not any longer stealthily. It suites her and she has thus been manoeuvred swiftly into the hands of her gild-haired friend, the scheming Amazon from her student days, she was in love with. He has lost, she signals to him with flashing lights of sensual photographs, which she sends him immediately. Well she has united with her love-sister. But she has not the right to scorn him with somebody that is not of his concern. When he asked her questions about her gender liaison before, she was almost shy to talk about it. Suddenly she is brave, well under the Nordic woman’s influence. Instead of being nice to him, as a poet supposed to be happy, she once said. Is hate following love? Has he not turned one layer of love into another one of compassion and all he can see is that she has fallen into the trap of a woman’s misused powers? He actually feels sad about the matter and he puts the pictures aside. Now he does understand why she never wanted to enter another room with him, but her own. Just to be able to get back to him, at least needle him for a while. Become a mean woman? He would never have thought about that. They two have succeeded to turn-on the furnace of derision, lust him to death and then burn his carapace in the heat of sacrifice, she also once disliked, and then watch him burn to ashes in hate’s holocaust. Then as all cooled down they drove to Filopappou Hill and the two love-sisters, Aline and Ais took Lian the budding daughter along, who had a love-hate relationship with her mother Aline, and they cast Zarkos’ ashes onto the shards of houses below, the endless splinters of marble, bricks and wood that was assembled through the thousand of years, the wind taking the grey flocks of once flesh and blood and blow it over the dust of times they have suddenly revived from their lofty heights.
But he is not yet completely lost, not yet burned to death, only his virtual image is; he is still in with a chance to find some safety-net for his stirred-up feelings. Lian has saved his early fatal fate and she has emotionally turned against her mother, rather liking Zarkos, secretly coding his photograph with intumescent layers of her own love.

He sits for days on end on the terrace of his temporary stay, he now treats as if he would have as well to forget, to abandon and to find another place instead of this one, hired from Aline, who is completely strange to him and she entices him to find another woman, friendly to his nature. Perhaps close-up, depart, seek something he does not know where and how and what: Another place, another home, another entire different story. He had a strange telephone call the night before. The voice of an upset woman that sounded concerned. All he understood was the name Aline. The rest was a lament in Greek he could not follow.
He tried hard to get her name, but he failed. It haunted him for the rest of the night. You can write her story, Aline had said to him, when he told her about the phone call, referring to her cousin, a hypochondriac. Probably lonesome, he thought. She refers to her cousin as scornful, crying a lot, as she has hurt herself, splaying an ankle. On these shitty pavements it is no wonder, he would reply angrily, still heaving inside with a storm of emotion, taking her cousin’s side. Aline hammers into him as if she would get him interested into her cousin’s life. She is cunning and he already knows that: Cues, suggestions, love affairs, and indicative sensual matters, thoughts of controversy and changes of mood. No? Yes it all has to do with Aline; she’s turned into a mental chameleon.

He has gathered his thoughts, relaxed on the beach with his spouse and has felt the relentless burning of the sun, thinking of the love-sisters to extinguish him. His skin can take no more burns, he has to dive into the saving waves. Now in the wake of his feelings for the pretty brunette-haired woman with the colour co-ordinated taste of clothes and accessories, he met in the seven-morning bus, he intends to take another ride, another try to meet her. This time he would not fail to talk to her and put-up the required sharpness of mind and courage of his heart to impress her. After all she spoke English well.
He is finally at the station, taking the bus to the city. He did not know that it was her day off. Oh blast, darn, no sight of her, however hard he turns in his seat and he scans the station where she usually does get-in. Fuck! Then at the next station that follows he can see her. She stands somewhat aside, her bathing stuff in her bag and she enters the bus. She sits down at a different seat to her usual one and soon falls into conversation with a woman sitting next to her, ignoring him totally. He feels hurt and offended. He’ll continue to concentrate on his notes. Secretly now and then he ogles in her direction and he notices that she does the same.
This is like cat and mouse, a battle of who is interested and if; a battle of nerves had begun, who will chicken-out first?
He’ll write her a note, he is better in that. As he wants to hand it to her, greeting her, she suddenly exits the bus in a hurry, not even turning, except for a stolen glance and not returning his smile this time. It reminds him of his girlfriend, same darn game, same deceitful longings. He is exhausted from games of love, yet he is pursuing them with fervour.
This can be a thrill and an excitement and this pursuit to chase sexual stealthy love that will take many ups and downs and end in the peak of frustration to scale new heights of a first climactic merging. That’s it we all want this to be. The chase is more exciting as the repetitive physical pounding in the end; otherwise we would all just walk the convenient road to Piraeus and find solace between the thighs of sex-workers and prostitutes, wouldn’t we?
He is annoyed; she has mastered the art of pushing his adrenalin levels, busting the temples of his head. As soon as she is out of sight, he relaxes, forgetting his mind-fuck and falling asleep. He will not visit his ailing Muse Aline this time. He’ll rather visit the flower-girl with the sexy midriff, or the girl in the electronic workshop that did show interest in him. Now he is already keyed-up to enter another love life, much the way Aline has taught him, the ways to counterbalance the innate boredom in repetitive sex with the same person. This is exciting he thinks. This is just great.

Then he exits the bus, he feels compassion towards Aline. After all she has always helped him and loved him. Now it is his turn to love her back.
He takes the bus from the centre of the city and exits at the shop where the flower girl works. He asks her for a bouquet of pink roses. She says she has only a few. He takes what she has and she combines the roses with other flowers. He wants some white and light blue shades added. He talks to her in colours as he is ignorant of flower names, as the seasons produce different flowers here. She rattles down the names, he cannot catch. She is hectic today. “What will happen next?” She asks him. “This,” he says, and kisses her on the cheeks. “Wait,” she says and then hands him a red long stem rose.
“Thank you,” he says.
“I thank you too,” she says. “How long are you staying?”
“I do not know yet,” he says with a bitter-sweet smile, “but I am sure I’ll see you again.” Then as she smiles and a feisty thick-set woman enters the shop, she introduces him to her. “My mother,” she says. As she wants to take the bouquet from her hands, her Mom pushes her away and hisses like a snake. “Ok,” he says, “I am a friend,” and he smiles at the fleshy woman, who has little humour it seems and is pushy with her dominant attitude.
Then he says good-bye to Heli and he takes the last few meters to the main street and then towards the side street that faces the Acropolis. He rings the bell. “Oh,” Aline says through the intercom, “please come-up.” As he enters the passage to her apartment, she has already opened the door. “I did not expect you. I am glad you are here.” She beams and takes the flowers. He helps her to place them into a large vase. “They are beautiful,” she says, “thank you.” Now she smiles. He returns her smile. Then she asks him to accompany her to her adjustable seat, she has especially bought for her relaxation and she can sleep in. She sits down, reclines and falls asleep.
He is in suddenly in a mood to jot down some ideas for a poem. Does poetry not express the deep feelings at a given moment that emerges suddenly from one’s heart? A love poem this time.
She has called him hypersensitive and she has been drawn to his innate femininity with the awakening of her innate masculinity. How important was this analysis? Maybe it was what she felt and he felt something different. Was this the motor that they had once coined as a matching chemistry?
Can he recall suddenly a series of incidents that were living proof to him of a matching chemistry in heterosexual proximity: The incident of meeting someone, when the heart does strike a note that one pays entire attention to?
Yes, he has recalled the incident on the bus ride to the city and the meeting of the flower-woman. Incidents if followed-up entirely and with reasonable tenacity, would lead to the same status quo of a relationship, he is finding himself in now?
Not quite. Perhaps physically, but mentally he has question marks against them. He has to seek her advice; advice from his lover, as she gets advice from her girlfriend Ais, who offers her healing through her younger son, who is a doctor online.
Indeed there is more to love than he ever thought possible.
“Ais thought I need a younger person now,” she says to him. He muses. This is an interesting situation indeed. He also needs a younger person. He has his one Muse, called Danyelle, he loves her. Now he has felt the instant notion of a fathom as her words did strike home. A death is never something easy. It is a finite answer to life. The ultimate. He recalls a piece he wrote about two lovers: A Death in Athens. He thinks is tragic, emotionally charged, a drama, especially a love between two artists. This is a bomb of emotional shards that’ll hit anyone who became involved. He wonders how many that would be. He knows of Ay, Lian, Heli, Ais, Vassilis, Mai, Takis and Altis. There are Lin and her brothers, cousins, maybe seven to 12 lovers and a host of family and acquaintances and others, he does not know yet, and she had never told him about. Would that be considered as normal today, probably yes, even on the lighter side. Still in certain societies, it’s traditional and called Hetaerae, where well-groomed men and women moved about in important positions and Hetaerae knew them intimately as a circle of friends, they also influenced and especially if they were bluestockings.
I will love you, he signals her in a moment of inspired writing, without the fear of others, without a timid heart.
Love that will entail the love of all others and accumulate like an enriched mineral, extracted within the furnace of pleasure, melting down and burning us alight, inflaming all traces of energy left behind that recognizes the new approved fervour, forged by the lust this one love will generate. The powerhouse of our intense communication, you and I do value all above else; even if we delve into deeply confined fields of our being, on matters of art, we will still have this erotic backdrop to our mutual stage of our lives, we do meet upon.

He finishes his monologue to her that does not let-up and carries on in an almost continuous fashion, when the layer of his yearning has reached a boiling point.
He has not seen her for a while, engaging in a driving away on the mood of a moment to see the other side of the Attic lands.
He is almost gone for a whole week, even extending his stay for another day. He visits many places, meeting many people, but his hunger for spiritual and physical fulfilment is hardly stilled all together. Either his spirit is sated with the overpowering beauty of a place, or his physical side is stirred-up into a frenzy of auto-eroticism that’ll bring him to a burst.
Another Tuesday. He considers it as the day he wishes to travel to town again. Would the brunette haired beauty be there? This is the time he will choose the seat close to the entrance of the bus, a place she seems to prefer. He has some questions to ask her, of course if she agrees to be questioned by him. Is there still the basis of their friendship left that touched on the periphery of sympathies they felt the first time, as their heads came close between the headrests of the seats that left a gap enough to gaze into each other’s eyes?
How were these eyes now meeting? But there was no such a woman, perhaps all was just a great imagination.

This Monday the twenty-sixth of July his inner voices were at turmoil, ready to explode and he had to take a chance to travel to the city. He had to handover the letter he had written to her, or should he rather drive these demons of his lewd associations from his body, free the mind and clear the spirit, see what happens first, let the incidental touches of the moment be the motor for his departure into the moods and voices of the day. Let the riches of the heartbeats melt by the incidents of nearness that’ll determine the start-off to a story or it won’t. Let the day evolve with all its colourful flowers and the bare midriff’s enhancement of the flower-woman’s attraction, when buying another plant. He’ll greet her as a friend and pour his love into the collective cup of sweetness. Lets enrich the man-made world of peace and gentle togetherness of minds and hearts, the collective spirit of love reflect on all the faces he’ll encounter today; this is it, he thinks, this, the best bus-ride of them all. This bus ride enriched by the beauty of the humanistic spirit: the love for all the arts.
He’ll sit on the seat that was to be the bus-lady’s seat, but she does not turn-up any longer.
Then another lady will sit next to him, who’ll throw glances of curiosity towards his profile. She crosses herself at every church along the known route. She has an almost angelic face, waxy, but pretty against the soft-flowing pitch-black of her straight hair, she keeps tied-up with a five-fingered clasp at the back of her head. He’ll sink into his seat and he thinks of Aline and her mental ride across the open pages of her notebook, something she does write with great renewal of vigour, she could be enticed into. And as he meets her again, she radiates. “I have written a story.”
“What is it called?” He asks.
“It’s called: The Bicycle Ride,” she says and smiles. It is about some interesting happening from my childhood.

*